Psalm 95 (The Venite, but only to verse 7)

A while back, while I was rocking the baby to sleep, he could not settle down. The usual songs seemed only to agitate him, and I had gone through every song I could possibly think of - from Christmas carols (in August) to commercial jingles. Everything. So, as I was just about to completely lose it, the Venite came into my head. Now, when I was in seminary, I was one of the few people who actually went to Morning Prayer EVERY morning. By the middle of my first year, I came to depend on it for starting my day. The version of the Venite that is in the Hymnal (S-35) was one we sang on a relatively regular basis. It was one of the few service music pieces I knew by heart, and actually liked (and it DID NOT come from Wonder Love and Praise). So, I started to sing it to the baby. Kind of slowly and quietly. And about a third of the way through, he relaxed and by the end (it's not that long), he was asleep. Amazing. It actually calmed me down, too.

This Sunday, in the RCL, we will have the opportunity to read Psalm (or chant it as we do in our church) 95. It's called the Venite, because it begins with Come...venite in Latin. Anyway...I should know this, but for whatever reason, I didn't realize the Venite we sing in Morning Prayer is not ALL of Psalm 95, just the first seven verses. Of course when you look at the last four verses, I guess you could see why. Here, I'll paste them below:

8 Harden not your hearts,

as your forebears did in the wilderness, *
at Meribah, and on that day at Massah,
when they tempted me.

9 They put me to the test, *

though they had seen my works.

10 Forty years long I detested that generation and said, *

"This people are wayward in their hearts;
they do not know my ways."

11 So I swore in my wrath, *

"They shall not enter into my rest."

I guess ending on a note of vengeance isn't the best way to begin the day in morning prayer. Ending with "Oh, that today you would harken to his voice!" seems much gentler. But some days, maybe I'd want to start with vengeance. Maybe one day I'd want to curse the people who make things hard, who spit in God's face - who spit in MY face. Maybe my prayers would be more authentic.

I read this Psalm and I think how lonely I am - because I don't feel like people hear me, understand me, have ever gone through anything I am going through. Some of that is through my own isolation. Some of that is because people LIE LIE LIE and pretend like everything is so GREAT when really it's not. When I reach out, I either get advice - "why don't you just..." or condescension, "Of course, silly..." Neither of which are really helpful. And so I find myself not saying anything. I don't shout out in "joy to the Rock of my Salvation" or "raise a loud shout to him with song". I don't scream for justice and mercy or vengeance. I just sit quietly in my office, off to the side (well, actually upstairs and down the hall). I look down and clam up. I go inside.
And that's not helpful to anyone.

At the same time, I read this Psalm and I think about how neglectful I've been of God. I have this psalm memorized (and I am an EPISCOPALIAN, we don't memorize scripture!!) and yet not internalized. I can sing it with glorious virbrato, but no real feeling. Kind of like American Idol. I guess it's a good time - Lent - to realize such a lack. Now I just have to act on it.