Day 7...Bed Rest

It has been an up and down week.  Friday I had some scary contracting, which only helped me to take this seriously.  I would say, every other day is good, every other day is not so great.  In some ways, that was the pattern for the entire pregnancy - half the time I felt pretty normal, half the time I felt like crap.  The hardest part of all of this is not the lying around, not the doing nothing - I am beginning to embrace that.  The hardest part is trying not to freak out at every tightening of the stomach, every pain in the stomach, every symptom I have never had before and suddenly am diagnosing it as end of the line.  I am not really sure how to manage this anxiety.  I have tried meditation tapes, and I decided I will do at least one prayer podcast per day, so maybe some of that will help.  Mostly, I am in my head, and it is creating more anxiety than need be.  I psych myself out, and then I start to create symptoms that I am not sure are really there.  It is totally possible (and so many people are witness to this) to make this last a while - weeks, maybe even months.  But something in my head is not able to trust that it will last.  And I think, if I really want it to last, I need to get it in my head that it is going to last.  That it is possible and can and maybe even will happen.  John's cousin Sara sent me a verse from Romans - "May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him".  I think maybe that need to be my mantra for a bit.  I need trust and peace and joy, and I feel like I am lacking them all.  We'll see what tomorrow brings.  Prayers for a peaceful evening with good sleep.