It's like I said

So, just as I was saying yesterday...Whenever I want to do good, something comes in and makes me do the opposite. Ugh.

Yesterday, as I went to bed, I felt so positive, hopeful. As if this year, I might just be in the true spirit of Advent. I cleaned my house, rearranged the furniture so that I actually had a space to do my painting and writing (a space of my own) so that I might actually do some of that once in a while. I finished the laundry, put the baby to bed, had a nice cup of tea and caught up on my Newsweek reading. Then I actually prayed before bed (first in a while).

Today we had a nice day together, the whole family. Then, just as I was laying down to take a well-deserved nap when the phone rang. It seems the we forgot to attend the lighting of the Christmas tree at the hospital in town. Now, while that might seem minor, we were supposed to give the opening invocation - our names were on the bill - and we just forgot. No, we didn't call and we didn't really have any excuse apart from being disorganized and overwhelmed and dealing with a sick baby and a house that I just needed to clean and a yard that he just needed to blow the leaves off of. We just simply forgot and just simply did not show up. Ugh. How embarrassing and horrifying. So, just when we were starting to do it right, there we go and mess it up again. Needless to say, it was a bit stressful in our house tonight.

But the weird thing was...it wasn't unbearably stressful. I half expected to be up all night fretting (because of course we remembered at 5:30, so we couldn't really call anyone tonight) or fighting or freaking out (the three "f's"). But there was really only about an hour of it where my guts felt like they were actually pushing through my flesh to jump out of my body and my mind kept trying to figure out why I didn't remember to go. We called as many people as we could. Talked out how we could really organize ourselves this time and then sat with our son, listened to some great bluegrass, then gave him a bath and put him to bed. I think in some ways I even felt closer to my husband after all of this. I probably will have my moments of fitfulness tonight, but I think I will get some sleep, and I think in the end, some good will come of it.

So I guess there is some Advent inside me. Maybe a little room for a seed growing inside. Maybe a new life will emerge after all of this. Who knows? I guess I can only take one step and one day at a time. Starting right now...

Okay, enough of this. I gotta go watch the season finale of Heroes...I don't know why I like that show (the Hiro subplot drags) but i have really come to LOVE it. Oh well. I gotta have some guilty pleasure, right?